Power By Ringsurf
Silence as a Weapon
I saw this on the web and thought I would share it because some people use this technique and may find that it only causes more pain for themselves while pushing away others. 
This is an excerpt from the web.
One of the cruelest and most hurtful weapons my alcoholic father used
against my family was silence. When he was mad or disappointed in me
(or when he was drunk and being an asshole in general), he had two
methods of communication; he would either call me every horrible name
in the book or he wouldn’t speak to me at all – sometimes for months.
The later cut me far deeper to the bone than any screaming or
name-calling could. I just wanted my Dad to *talk* to me, to
acknowledge my presence, even if it was through yelling, criticism, or
barbed comments. All of that was infinitely better than being shut out
or ignored completely, which only made me feel invisible (unloved,
unwanted and alone).
Unfortunately, I too learned to use silence to wound, punish, cut…
and before I walked in Al-Anon I used it with a vengeance. I still do
sometimes. But what I’m learning from program is that when I use
weapons of any kind (verbal or non-verbal) to hurt the people I love, I
inevitably hurt myself the most.
When I don’t speak up for myself, I’m using silence in a hurtful
way – in that I’m telling the other person that their behavior is not
only acceptable, but also that I’m unworthy of being treated with
respect. Neither of which is true obviously.
When I walk around carrying resentments with martyr-like silent
suffering, I’m not being truthful to the person who hurt me. I’m also
foolishly assuming that they can read my mind and that by my very
silence, should KNOW that I’m hurt. How arrogant and immature (who
me?)!
My silent rage does neither of us any good. Generally the other
person doesn’t even have a clue that I’m mad, and even though I want
desperately for them to engage and ask me what’s wrong, my body
language says “STAY AWAY!”
Ultimately, I just end up walking around pissed off, slamming
doors, sighing or harrumphing loudly, just like my dad did. None of
which encourages the other person to approach me or comfort me. In the
end, isn’t that what we really want when we are hurting… for someone to
put their arms around us, give us a hug and tell us everything is going
to be okay? I know I do! But would YOU want to approach someone who is
raging (silently or otherwise)?
How ironic then that I should end up behaving exactly as my father
(and myriad other people in my life that I’ve been close to) – using
the one thing that he always hurt me the most with, silence.
Using
silence in this manner does nothing to convey my love or compassion for
a friend, lover or family member. It conveys only bitterness and
resentment.
- artforthesoul's blog
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Head Trips
This is a reply to the above also taken from the web. I thought it spoke volumes.
My alcoholic family are functional alcoholics and real smooth players who do well in the world and do not resort to obvious accusations or fully blown silences. They are brilliantly subtle and are masters of the pregnant pause. Whenever they don't believe someone, or whenever they disagree, instead of saying, "I disagree and here's why," they just stare in silence until you feel like a fool for speaking on that topic, then they change the topic. And this way, they can't ever lose a dispute or change their opinions because they just don't respond to any topic that they don't like. I often envy kids who had parents wrongly accuse them of things and even be a bit verbally abusive, because then they could disprove those accusations or mount some form of defense. But I had no way to defend myself, since they would never speak accusations, but only imply them by pregnant pauses. They did this is such a way that you would feel the impact of what they thought, but they could still deny they thought it. For instance, if a person were to say to them, "I have an earache," well, if they said, "You're faking it," then a discussion could follow as to whether the illness was faked or not. But if one only turns away and changes the subject, then one gets readily enough that they were disbelieved, but they cannot say, "Why don't you believe me," because the pregnant pause person wants to be able to say, "I never said I didn't believe you." It was all head trips like that, these weird short silences being the way they always won a dispute, since they could shut the other person up without having to defend their own ideas. Finally, we had a total falling out over the way they communicate with me, and I'm not certain I'll be speaking to them again. But this may be all for the better, because I notice that I feel better about myself when they're not around. That could be a clue right there.